I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
