so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
