WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
