saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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