never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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