He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
