i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
