I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
