Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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