so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
