We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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