bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have post one night stand depression
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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