we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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