Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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