she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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