Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
