just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
