you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
