Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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