I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
