I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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