8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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