oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
