One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
