the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
