Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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