Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
