Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
