I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
