I faked an abortion last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
