all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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