god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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