She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
two words: eviction party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
