hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
