Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
