Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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