i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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