I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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