My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
