Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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