you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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