Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
