I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
