a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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