11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
