He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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