Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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