john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
