I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
