Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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