I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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