you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
